onsdag 18. april 2012

I wonder what it's like to fly so high or to breathe under the sea

So I'm in full essay mode right now.
For the last couple of days, I've been working my arse off, trying to finish all these essays in time, and for a long time it just did not seem like it would work at all, but then yesterday I just decided that I would start and finish my 5000 Sociology Goes To Hollywood essay- and I did! It took me 18 hours to write and I stayed up until half four in the morning working on it. I am glad I decided not to give up and leave some of it for today. Now it is out of the way and I can focus on my Gender Preformatives essay which is 4000 words. I'm hoping to write as much of it as possible today, though I highly doubt I'll be able to finish it as both my body and my head is completely dead. I work up this morning after having to endure listening to someone chopping food in the kitchen by the surfice which is wall-to-wall to my bed. And before that, there was someone who decided to play their shite music as loudly as possible, starting at 2 am. Oh yes, it is a true joy living in this flat at the moment. You have no idea. I'm so freaking happy, and it doesn't stress me out or take a lot of my energy, no not at all. So who ever you are, please do continue with your shitty behaviour. It's not like people enjoy sleeping in the middle of the night or anything. Not to mention the state of our kitchen right now. I have no words for it. It is disgusting. How can anyone even want to make food in there? I'm currently starving as I will not set a foot in that kitchen as long as it looks like this:
I just do not understand. We're all 22 in this flat, and we've been living on our own for the past 2 years, we should be able to clean up after ourselves! It is not that hard. And I know that I'm not the tidiest person on Earth, but Jesús Christo, this is just beyond anything I would be able to live with. Especially since the kitchen is my holy place. Its a place where I can relax and just enjoy making various foods. But you cannot enjoy it in that kitchen. This year has been hell, and has resulted in me hardly ever making a proper meal just because I don't want to cook in there. After all, who would, just look at it!

At this point, I just cannot wait to finally be done. I get the hell away from here. Don't misunderatand, i've had a lovely time and I've met some of the greatest people ever, but I'm just so tired and exhusted and I'm in need to a change. I love Lancaster as a town, it is beautiful and oh so lovely, but after 2- going on 3 years here, well, it becomes a bit much. It is so small that you end up feeling slightly trapped. I really need a change of environment. Something new and different, with new challenges and new people. And I am in desperate need of sun. Actual sunshine. I'm so so so tired of these gray clouds and the rain and the endless wind.

I have grown a lot since I moved here, that is for sure. In a lot of ways, I do not regocnize myself, but then I go on my weird antics and I know I'm still me. But I have chnaged. I know what I am capable of dealing with, and what I'm not. I know that I can get through some really shit times and that I'm a lot stronger than i give myself credit for. I'm not as shy as I once was, actually far from it in most situations (though not all. There are still traces of that social awkward person somewhere) and my confidance has once again gone up. I grew up and learned how to be responsible for myself. I've learned that some things are not meant to be and that things which start out great might not end up as great and vice versa. Friends come and go, and I am beginning to realise how important it is to surround yourself with positive people as nagative people will just drag you down ( a mistake made far too many times), and how to let some friendships go.

These years have been trying, but I got through them, and I will get through these final bumps. And it makes me look forward to this summer so much more since I finally get to do something that is just for me. This summer, and this upcoming year will be about me, about me doing exactly what I want to do and feel like doing. I get to volunteer for a month during one of the biggest sports events in the world, which basically means spending a month just having fun and getting to know new people who have the same intrerests me. I managed to get through the application prosess on my own, I got through the interview due to my personallity. It will be hard work, and proably long hours, but I think it will be fun, and it will definatly be a challenge, in a lot of ways, but I'm prepared to take it, and I will have fun doing so. And then of course, there is Spain and Portugal with Pia. This won't be a proper holiday either, but that is part of the fun. Again, it is something I've never done before and I just think that you learn a lot for doing and trying things you've never done before. And I don't mind working a couple of hours a day if that means we get a roof over our heads

Listening to: Hurts - Ivyrise.


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