søndag 5. februar 2012

Now you're there cleaning up the mess they left

Wiii! It’s February! So much to do, and so so so little time to do anything at all! Can you believe it? In 5 months, I’ll be graduating? Wearing the cape and everything. It is absolutely mad if you ask me! I can hardly believe it at all. Though I do spend about 90% of my time thinking about it. That, and all the work I have to do over the next two months. I mean, shit, we're in week 4 now. Next week we'll be half way through our last term. When did that happen? I Sure as hell don't know. I feel it was just last week or so that I boarded that plane that took me to Manchester for the first time and I remember so perfectly the moment when I was standing there alone in my room, bracing myself before opening the door and putting on my most winning smile and going into what seemed like the scariest place ever; our kitchen.

It is so weird to think how long ago that was. Time flies by, I suppose. And believe me, it really does. I feel like the weeks just fly by while I'm half-way stuck behind in some odd way. I cannot explain it, but it is just the way it feels right now. I'm fighting to get through all the things I have to do. It is both good and bad, I suppose. I feel a lot more motivated to work than i've ever felt before and that if because of a lot of different reasons. The fact that I'm graduating is a big factor. So is the fact that I actually have modules I enjoy this term.

My degree has been a bit of a hit-and-miss if I'm to be completely honest. What I thought I signed up for, and what I actually did sign up for ended up being two very different things. I don't regret sociology per say, but I do regret not doing sociology and social anthropology. And as much as I love the people I have meet here, and the this beautiful and lovely town that Lancaster is, I regret not going to a uni that was not so old fashion in its teaching methods. I suppose, in a lot of ways, a theoretical degree was never something I should have gone for, but then again, I do not enjoy practical subjects. I love learning about society. I enjoy it. Society interests me. Politics interests me. Culture interests me. There was no way of escaping a theoretical degree. It's a shame really. Because I do feel like university... or perhaps these social sciences are all about theories, and all we ever learn is old knowledge. Do not get me wrong, history is as important as anything else, but how are we ever suppose to think for ourselves when all we do is re-write what others have said before us? There is little room for personal opinions and thoughts, and I despise that. I cannot stand this fact. To me, there is nothing more important to me, then being able to say what I mean/think/feel about a subject.

And at the end of the day, if I am to be completely honest again, I do not see how I am no prepared to go out there and find work. I do not see how I'm more qualified than what I was 3 years ago. Yes, I can tell you what Marx, Simmel, Durkheim and a billion other sociologies thought and argued, but when will this help me? I can write a 4000 word essay yes, but I do not plan on having a job where that I going to be much needed. I'm not going to be a lecturer. So what has my degree given me in return?

I find myself at a cross-road. At this point in time, I have no idea how to get anywhere. A job in the FA seems highly unlikely with anything less than a first, which isn't happening. I need a master, but where can i take it, and in what? International Relations? Norway, England, Spain, Canada... I don't know anymore.
But I suppose I still have some time to ponder over these things. At least for a few more months. As of now, i just need to do my readings and my essays and think about the fact that summer isn't so far off. Nor is Kyiv and Spain.

This entry ended up being a whole lot more depressing than what i had planned. I was all set out to write a super happy entry. I fail massively it seems. Oh well, I try harder next time.

Listening to: Believe - Safetysuit.

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